Living with Social Anxiety

Growing up I was constantly worried what others thought of me and if I was fitting in. It would stress me out so much that I rarely hung out with anyone and had a lot of trouble forming lasting relationships with others. Over twenty years later it is still a challenge.

Although I am married now and put on quite a good relaxed act in front of others that is far from how I feel. I bite my nails down in constant anxiety and my stomach turns when my phone rings. I debate on even pretending I'm not home when there is a knock at my door. My husband has the daunting job a lot of the time of calming me down and reassuring me.

Whenever I have to go somewhere I spend hours before over analyzing every detail. My anxiety becomes so exhausting sometimes that it's hard to leave my house. It has been my on going battle for

years. My step grandfather is a clinical psychologist and has helped me cope with my anxiety in a few different ways but I still struggle on a daily basis with it.

I have opted for the longest time to not be medicated for anxiety due to pregnancies, breastfeeding and fear of side effects. The past year though even though it's still been a struggle has been a lot easier to handle.

I have spent the past year getting the guts to cut the toxic people from my life and kept the people who were supportive, understanding, positive and legitimately care about me and my children. The relief from that alone has made it much easier for me to come out of my shell so to speak. I have made it a point to try to feel comfortable in my own skin. I go out of my house with minimal makeup on if any at all quite often now. A few years ago you wouldn't have caught me out of my house without full makeup and hair done. My self esteem was so low.

Surrounding myself with others that build me up instead of tear me down made a huge difference. Even though what others (who are not so positive) say still hurts occasionally, it doesn't take nearly the toll on me it used to. Knowing that when I go out I'm surrounded by amazing people, I don't over anazlyze every detail every time anymore.

I can't say enough about how much writing has done for me. Being able to get my words out on something tangible allows me to think more clearly and have less stress about toting around unresolved feelings. It has given me a creative outlet so instead of biting my nails and being so nervous I want to cry, I write. It has been so freeing since I started.

Although there are still times I feel like hiding my head in the sand those times have become much fewer thanks to the steps I made to make my life more positive. I know there are so many people out there who have invisible struggles they deal with every day and I hope my story allows you to see there is light at the end of the tunnel. So stay amazing my beautiful readers! There is always hope!