My Breastfeeding Story

After I had my son five years ago I didn't realize what a challenge breastfeeding would be. After all I was a first time mom and labor was all I needed to worry about. My thought process was, "It can't be that hard since we are built for it". Boy was I wrong. I soon found out after having my first born, breastfeeding was not going very smoothly. After a 24 hour precautionary stint in the NICU and no breastfeeding experienced family members to guide me, I was at a complete loss. My milk supply was dropping because my tiny baby was having to use nipple shields to latch on, in turn causing a vicious cycle of my breasts not draining properly and me not knowing to pump afterwards causing me to have a very hungry and cranky baby. I wound up supplementing him with formula out of frustration, which of course, made the problem even worse.

About 3 weeks in, I found a local lactation specialist. This woman was my hero. She sat down with my son and I for 2 hours working with us to correct his latch without the nipple shields. She gave me a supplemental nursing system or SNS, to use while supplementing until my supply came back up. It took a few more weeks of practicing his latch and using the SNS, but soon I was a breastfeeding champ! I was confident in my ability to breastfeed and left my bottles, formula and pumps behind whenever I left the house. It was just my baby, my boobs and I taking on the world. I had a wonderful breastfeeding experience from that point forward with my baby. I felt less frustrated and tired than before and I had been able to completely bond with my little one.

Then 3 years later his first sister came along. I fought tooth and nail to breastfeed her, so much so we both wound up in tears half the time. I tried everything that had worked with my first baby to no avail. I was angry with myself and felt like I had failed somehow. Our breastfeeding (or more like baby angrily chomping at my nipples and then

refusing to latch) stint ended at around 3 months when both of us just couldn't take it anymore. I gave up and switched her to formula. For a year I sadly toted around bottles of formula. I was so disappointed in myself and felt like I should have tried harder or done something different. It was a painful experience for me until I realized something so simple. Every baby is different! My little girl was perfectly content sucking down her bottles. In fact, she preferred them over nursing. Isn't that what it's about? That your baby is happy and healthy? It wasn't my first choice but in the end it's what was right for her at the time.

This time with my third baby I am much more open to the fact that breastfeeding isn't always flawless and there are bumps in the road. In fact, I have spent the past weeks with cracked nipples and having to bounce between pumping and nursing. But I am persevering through the tough times this go around. I understand now that flexibility and acceptance in knowing that I trust myself to make the right decision for my baby is key for success in nursing or otherwise. Not moping around for almost a year thinking of the what ifs instead of realizing how much my little girl was thriving.

Us moms can be ourselves toughest critic. Don't be yours. Trust yourself to know whats good for you and your baby and don't feel guilty about it! You go out and rock it formula feeding and nursing mamas alike!